Problem With Today's Relationships

As I see these memes and stuff posted to my social media, I think I have discovered the problem with today's relationships. I don't think we value relationships like we used to!! We have totally changed the terminology in a way that degrades and abbreviates what a relationship should be.

For example:

"Fuck with" - Why are people referring to their boyfriends and girlfriends as someone they "fuck with"? In my day, if I was fucking with someone, I wasn't being serious! "No...I didn't mean that! I was just fucking with you!" Sorry, my boyfriend is not someone I "fuck with"! He is someone I love and cherish...someone who since meeting, I can't imagine my life without! His being in my life is a very serious thing, as I don't just let myself get close to anyone!

"Bae" - I mean...what the hell?! I know what it means...but why can't you just say what the person is to you? Sure, we all have nicknames for our partners...my boyfriend and I call each other "babe"...it is just something that is is more endearing than calling each other by name. It's something that shows that we are on a different level with each other than the rest of the world. But if posting about something he did or something we are doing together, I'm not going to abbreviate what he means to me?! I'm not going to say, "Look what bae got me for my birthday"! No, I'm going to say something like, "Look what that WONDERFUL man of mine got me for my birthday"! If I'm posting about date night, it's going to be something like, "Having a great time with this handsome guy"! I'm going o brag about what he is to me, not minimize it to 3 little letters!

And seriously, it is sad that we live in a day and age when you have to actually sit down and have "the talk" that you see the relationship as "exclusive". We live in a day where people are too busy looking for the next best thing, that they want to keep relationships open...and only be monogamous after "the talk"...than to go into a relationship from the get go thinking, "Okay, let's really get to know this person, and see where things go". Sure, my boyfriend and I had "the talk"...but only because you have to in this day and age, because you want to make sure that the other person is on the same page as you are! We were two weeks in when we had "the talk". But even before "the talk", it was already understood...we weren't seeing other people. Neither of us are the kind of people who have a little black book, so to speak, with booty call numbers. We were looking for that one person to connect with...the one who would become our best friend, and partner in crime!

We need to get back to old fashioned relationship values! I put up with a cheating spouse for way longer than I probably should have, because I believe in relationships! The woman he was cheating with when we split was not the first one....she was just the final straw! I forgave him completely the first time. The second time, I wanted to forgive complete...really tried...but twice burned, I kept wondering. Sure enough, he then cheated a third time, and I couldn't hold on any more to something that just wasn't! The guy I'm with now, I can truly say that whatever our relationship is, I just want him as my partner in life! I'm not in a rush to get married, though I would love nothing more than to wake up to him every morning. I love him and value him, and I know a relationship is like a plant that needs to be nurtured to grow. It's not something you can force...and hearts are not something you play...or fuck...with. He is not just some abbreviation...he is so much more to me than words can even express!

And I think this whole thing bleeds into how we treat each other in general. I mean, if we are not letting ourselves truly connect and love a person who is supposed to be a partner, how can we expect to try to connect and show love and respect to anyone else at even a lesser level? If our mate is just someone we "fuck with"...what is our neighbor...or friend...that person you see crying in the store because they are buying an outfit for a funeral they never expected to have to attend?! If your mate is just someone you "fuck with"....there is no room for compassion for anyone else!

Misunderstanding About the Affordable Care Act

Okay....I need to put this out there, because I get the feeling some folks do not understand how the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) actually works. This Act does many things....some of it I agree with, some of it I don't, some of it I think could use some work. I will say up front, that I've never agreed with penalizing people who do not have insurance, because some people simply can't afford it even under the Act. My daughter is one of those...her employer doesn't offer her insurance, but the monthly payments for insurance under Obamacare is still too high for her. She gets penalized every year for this. However, two things that I do think were good with the act is the ability for parents to keep their dependents on their policies until age 26 regardless of their school status, and insurance companies being forced to cover pre-existing conditions. The latter is of specific interest to me, because if I have a break in coverage for any reason...under the old way where pre-existing conditions could be denied...I could potentially be denied coverage for my asthma upon resuming coverage. There are many people out there with existing conditions that are things they cannot control...and this was crucial to their being able to afford their medical care. The part that needs work is the "clearinghouse" so to speak. Many people think that their tax dollars are being used to pay for the actual healthcare of people on the program. WRONG! Where tax dollars come in are in subsidies paid to help offset the cost of the INSURANCE for people on Obamacare. When one signs up for insurance under this act, they are actually enrolling into many of the same insurance providers you and I enroll into through our employers...if insurance is offered. Scott & White, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, etc. Much like our employer may cover part or all of our insurance premium, so do these government subsidies based on a person's income level. The insurance isn't cheap! I looked into it last year inputting information for my ex, so I would have information to give him a the time of our divorce. For himself and his daughter, the CHEAPEST insurance was about $180/month...and that was with a deductible so high that the insurance would have never really kicked in! People are screaming that the rates are spiking under Obamacare. Well, yes and no. Insurance premium rates have been going up for years!!! I'm currently paying about three times as much as I did 20 years ago for less than half the coverage!! For the same coverage I had 20 years ago, I would now have to pay about $500/month for just me, and that would be after my employer's contribution! Over the years, I've had to reduce my coverage just to be able to continue to afford my insurance. That is the no part. The yes part is that Obamacare has influenced the increase in rates, but ONLY because the insurance companies are being force to cover things they could deny before, and are being forced to cover less-healthy people. They are still making huge profits (just look at how much their CEOs are making)! So what are they doing? They are jacking up the price of insurance!! Big pharmaceutical also has play in this, as they have been jacking up the prices of much needed medicine, thus also requiring the insurance companies to have to pay out more. I'm sure you all recall the news about Epi-Pen not that long ago. Now, here is something else that people are obviously not getting....birth control. Under most insurance plans, women have access to "free" birth control...though, it really isn't free when you consider they have to carry insurance under federal law or be fined at tax time, and it is the insurance covering this birth control. I've seen these posts about, "Well, be an adult and pay for your own birth control!!" They are already being adults in paying for the insurance that is covering this birth control!!! Problem is, that now, a repeal of the Act could mean that they cannot afford insurance, and thus will not have coverage! And no, birth control is not only about being able to have sex and not get pregnant! There are many, many women out there with hormone imbalances...I'm one of them! With all the chemicals and stuff in our food supplies, this is becoming a bigger deal. Those who have never dealt with said imbalances have no clue what life is like for us!! Some of the many things we have to live with: - Disabling pain every month. We are not talking your normal cramps. We are talking pain that could compete with that of labor pains, so intense that all you want to do is curl up in a ball in your bed and cry all day. Pain that no Midol will ever get rid of. But you can't curl up in your bed, you have to be an adult and move on, while through the day everything between your rib cage and knees hurts...because yes, the cramps are soooo bad they are causing every muscle in your back and the top of your legs to also cramp up! - Disabling migraines...and we are not only talking once a month. No, these nasty headaches that feel like your head is going to explode while making you want to throw up and crawl into a dark cave can happen at ANY time...without warning. I've had one hit me so bad that I dropped to my knees right there on my floor grabbing my head. I seriously though I may have been having an aneurysm! I fell asleep right there on the floor about an hour, and when I had awaken, the pain had subsided only enough for me to crawl to my bed to sleep the rest of the day. - Insomnia! Yes, until I found a way to balance out my hormones, I spent YEARS only getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep on a good night! This naturally caused other health issues, as my body was always worn down. There is nothing worse than laying there in bed for hours yawning...feeling sooooooo tired...yet, no matter how long you lay there with your eyes closed, your body simply refuses to drift off to sleep. - Inability to eat or drink anything. Though, I've never had this myself, I have a friend who regularly went through this. Nothing she put in her stomach would stay there, not even water. This would go on for at least 2-3 days! And that is just for those not trying to prevent pregnancy! Many of these same people who are screaming for a woman to pay for her own birth control, also want to tell her she can't have an abortion! Seems to me, the best way to lower the abortion rates is to prevent unwanted pregnancy! Come on...be realistic...people are NOT going to stop having sex! Just isn't happening! Men have two options...condoms or sterilization. Condoms do not require anything from a doctor, as they do not actually affect anything in the body...and face it, not many men out there actually get sterilized! On the flip side, EVERY birth control option a woman has requires a doctor! Even the pill...a doctor has to prescribe the right dosage of hormones as to not mess a woman up. All other methods require some sort of day-surgery medical procedure be performed...again, not cheap, because doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists, etc. all get involved. Women are also stuck between a rock and a hard place. Here we are told that if we don't want to get pregnant, it is our responsibility to protect ourselves...we have to be in control of our own bodies, by the way. At the same time, women are being told that they are not really in control of our own bodies, that we shouldn't be allowed to do this and that...and we are being told this by men who I can promise you have used the line, "If you love me, you will have sex with me" at least once in their life to pressure a woman into bed with them! I know this is long, but hear me out! And if this turns into an argument about abortion..."oh, so it is okay to murder an unborn child"...I will promptly delete this! I will say this on that issue...for me...myself...I am pro-life. I would never abort a child. I would rather put it up for adoption. HOWEVER, I am also realistic enough to know that a desperate woman will do anything they have to if they find themselves pregnant and they don't want to be. Before Roe v Wade, women were having back alley abortions, and dying because they would bleed out or catch a terrible infection because of unclean tools. I don't want to go back to that! Having dead women on top of dead babies is not the answer! Education and providing women the tools they need to not be in that position is the answer!! And yes, I would rather see that desperate woman in a clean medical facility than a back alley even if I don't agree with what she is doing. It isn't my place to force what I believe on her! I'm not in her shoes...I don't know the circumstances. That is all I'm going to say on THAT topic. What women are afraid of now is that they will still be forced to pay for this insurance, while at the same time NOT have coverage for their birth control, and have to pay for it out of pocket ON TOP OF their premiums. Even the cost of an IUD is not cheap! And for the record, I had sterilization surgery nearly 20 years ago after I knew I was done having children. At that time, it was covered 100% under my insurance. Under my policy today, I would have to pay the first $1,500, and then the insurance would only cover 80% of the cost after that! This is what is happening to women! We are expected to take care of this ourselves, yet the cost for doing so is growing out of our reach! And that, my friends, is really what is at stake here with healthcare. If the Act is repealed...women will be left uninsured and/or lose their birth control coverage which yes...it is our responsibility because we surely cannot depend a man to put a condom on it! On top of that, thousands, maybe millions, of other Americans will go without insurance! Some, like my daughter, are still without insurance even under the Act! She has things she needs to have looked at, but she will not go to the doctor, because she can't afford to...and I don't have the money to lend her to do it! It breaks my heart to know that one of my children is not getting medical care because big medicine has pushed care out of her reach! THIS is what is at stake, people!

One Year Of Freedom!!!

This weekend marks one year since I broke free, and was finally allowed to just be me! In celebration, I post what I call my ex's anthem!

Diary of a Mad White Woman Part II

Yes...I am posting two days in a row...and I'm still mad! Seriously...why are we at this place?! I pointed out in a social media post that what scares me the most is that a single party will control all three branches of our government. I pointed out that this just opens the doors for party agendas to be pushed, and that has always been a dangerous thing! We must have some differing opinions for there to be adequate checks and balances! What response did I get? Oh...that it has happened before, and we survived...and basically called a socialist for pointing this out! WTF?! I was told to refresh myself on my history!

Okay...this person wants to look at history?! In the late 1920's, when the Republicans controlled all branches of government, we sank into the Great Depression! In the 2000's when Republicans again controlled all branches of government for the first time in 70 some-odd years, we went into the what has been called the Great Recession AND we were attacked by terrorists on American soil, potentially because key intel was missed!

Now, there have been several periods in between all that when the Democrats have controlled the Presidency and Congress. In many of those periods we saw scandals (Clinton, for example...the assassination of JFK which many now think was orchestrated by JFK, etc., During Carter, we basically created the Taliban that totally nipped us in the ass later). Though no term has been perfect, we seem to see less crisis when the various branches are split between the two parties, and there is some checks and balances! You don't have Congress just going with what the President says and vice-versa...you have someone asking tough questions that may or may not change the outcome!

I point out this fact as I am neither Democrat nor Republican...I'm for whatever is best for this country! I've always voted the lesser of evils, and for who I thought was better for the job based on the issues at hand! I am fearful that our POTUS-elect is not ready to deal with foreign affairs. I may be wrong, but brokering a few business deals over seas does not qualify you to negotiation peace treaties! I'm also concerned about the amount of hate that he spewed on the election trail...hate that has NO PLACE in a time when tensions are high within the borders of our own country! Racial tension is the highest I've seen it since the 80's! One thing I've seen and heard from others about since the election results is people of color looking at those of us who are white differently...some in fear, some in anger. They really don't know who voted for the POTUS-elect and who didn't. I wan to look at them and say, "I'm on YOUR side! I didn't vote for the man!" I can only hope that in the days leading up to inauguration, that Obama can help Trump see that this country needs healing...that there are some real issues within our own borders that may require him to be a little more compassionate and flexible with his agenda. All these people calling for the wall he promised...really, that wall is not the best thing for race relations! The promise to stop immigration of Muslims? I understand that there are a lot of radicals out there who want to do harm to us from the inside. I get that we may have to do further security screening...but if we do, it needs to be across the board, and not just singling out out one group! ANYONE could be a threat! ANYONE could be a sympathizer! At the same time, you can't automatically assume that everyone of a certain religion or skin color is going to do harm to this country! There has to be some balance, and it has to be addressed to the problem as a whole, and not just a people group! Hell, we could have radicals born right here on our own soil into families that have been here for 100+ years!

Seriously, people! Everyone needs to get off their high horses! We need healing! We need to be able to hug someone without it being weird. We need to learn to agree to disagree! I haven't even touched on all the ugly I've seen since the results came out...people unfriending each other because of how they voted (we are ALL entitled to our own opinions and beliefs)...ugly words said that cannot be taken back. Is this what we have come to?! Maybe I'm just a hippie or something, but I still believe in love!

Diary of a Mad White Woman!

I'm putting this here, because I have to let it out, and I know if I do so on social media, I will get slammed!

The results of yesterday's election are very disheartening! I've seen asked, "Did you expect women to vote for Clinton just because she is a woman?" Here is my answer to that.

I had hope that the women in this country had enough self-respect for themselves to NOT vote for a man who has demonstrated such a lack of respect for them! I lived 15...nearly 16...years with a man who expressed many of the same ideals as our President-elect! Here are some highlights of those years:

- I have been told, "I thought we had a RULE that you weren't allowed to wear anything to bed, unless it was that time of the month!"

- "You NEVER listen to me!" (And not intended to mean that I wasn't sympathetic to his feeling, that I didn't do as he said.)

- "You are my wife, and I should be able to grab you whenever I want!"

- If my now ex-husband had come home late in the middle of the night, he expected that he should be allowed to initiate sex with me, without first waking me up to see if I even wanted to!

- When I started defying him, and coloring my hair the way I wanted to, getting a tattoo, losing weight (he is the kind of man who likes them bigger), my now ex-husband started looking elsewhere, ultimately leaving me for another woman who had the same features I did before "waking up", and who was much more subservient to him!

This same man once handed me this book, and told me to read it:

Me? Obey? Him?

When I had a friend of mine return it to him with some stuff of his after the divorce (she worked with him), the comment my now ex-husband made was, "Well, maybe if she read it, we would still be married!"

THIS is why I am mad! I have worked my ass off to get where I am! I am not a kept woman...I don't need keeping! Now, I do have a special man in my life, and I am thankful to say that he sees me more as his best friend and his partner than someone he needs to take control over! I don't consider myself a feminist...I do still like if my guy pulls the chair out for me or opens a door...I like when he insists I walk on the inside instead of the street side, as a gentleman should. I fix meals for him, and he will clean up after. We go out, and we split the check. And sure...I don't wear bras, but I'm one of those women who is too small to really wear one, and they only become an uncomfortable burden for something that isn't really serving a purpose!

We still have too many women out there who believe it is okay to be treated like an object rather than a person! It breaks my heart! I don't care what the Christian agenda is (and I do consider myself a Christian)...the government has no right to tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body! Oh, she is looked down upon for having an abortion, but it is perfectly okay for a man to walk away from his responsibility when a child is created! Yes, I said it! "But there are laws..." Really? And that has solved the problem of fatherless children? Let me tell you about those "laws"! I had a court order that said my first husband was to spend X amount of time with my child every month/year, and that he was to pay $XXX in child support every month to help provide what that child needed. If he or I failed to follow that order (i.e., if I failed to present the child for said visitation), we were to be found in contempt of court and forced to pay fines and/or serve time. Guess what happened? He started cancelling out visitations with my child, giving one excuse after the other, and I was left to pick up the pieces of a crying child who only wanted to see his father! He also stopped paying his child support, and when I tried to get the court order enforced, I was basically told by the courts that there was really nothing that could be done, because they couldn't get him properly served, but yet I was more than welcome to pay money out of my own pocket for a private process server and ask for those monies to be paid back to me by my ex which a judge could order!! Yes, I laughed at them about that, and told them, "I can't get the man to pay me $100/month in child support that is court ordered, and you think that I can get him to pay me my court costs if the judge orders him to do so?!" So you see, if a woman wants to walk away from the responsibility by terminating the pregnancy (and don't give me the "it's different, it's murder" argument), she is deemed a terrible person who is just trying to escape the consequences of her actions, but not the man who walks away from said child after it is born! 

Now, I'm not saying I would get an abortion. For myself, I'm pro-life...but I can't force my choices or opinions on others! Does anyone even remember that it was like before Roe v Wade? Let me refresh your memories a bit...a desperate woman is going to get an abortion whether it is legal or not!!! If you overturn Roe v Wade, you will be back to women having back-alley abortions and dying because they bled to death or contracted some terrible infection, and were afraid to go to the doctor for it because they knew they would be turned in for having an abortion! So, instead of still having dead babies, now we also have dead women!! Now, how Christian is that?! Just sayin'! And since I went there...what about the Christians' agenda to basically shut down Planned Parenthood because they provide abortions?! Guess what? Planned Parenthood is the only affordable means for womens' health for many women! You take away the means for women to gain access to birth control, you are going to have a whole lot more of those "back-alley" abortions on your hands! Seriously, you want to cut the number of abortions? Here are some tips:

1. Make birth control readily available to all who want it...and if that means handing it out for free, so be it!

2. Better sex education in schools, because really...the abstinence program just isn't going to cut it!

3. Hold men to the same standards with regards to bringing a child into this world as you are the women with your "anti-abortion" stance! It takes two to tango, baby! She didn't create that baby by sitting at home alone with her impure thoughts! Nope...so if you wouldn't let her walk away, don't let him do it, either! If more women actually believed that the man would step up and be a man, they wouldn't be so scared to bring a child into the world! I can't help but wonder what percentage of women who get an abortion do it because they simply "can't raise the child alone"!

Okay...I've beat that horse, so let's go on to the next. I'm tired of women putting themselves down! I'm guilty of it myself, because this society has it basically beat into us that we have to look a certain way to be beautiful!!! We have to be skinny, and our stomach has to be tight! We have to have big boobs AND a nice round ass! We are supposed to look like the women in the magazines, when really...thanks to Photoshop...even the women in the magazines don't look like the women in the magazines! I fight my own battle every day...like many women do! We all have something we don't like about ourselves. I had two kids, and I was way overweight for too long. I have stretch marks and saggy skin that I doubt will ever go away. I don't like it, and though I've worked my ass off to lose 80+ lbs...even though I wear clothes that are either a S or an XS...I still find myself looking in the mirror with disgust some days. Then, I have to snap myself out of it, and remind myself that I am beautiful...I have a wonderful man who, let's face it, has seen me naked many times and still wants me...as a partner and a lover! So who am I kidding, right?! But it is so very hard when you have people like our POTUS-elect! Men who have been literally caught rating women based on how they look! Sure, I get that everyone has their own idea of what attractive is, but that doesn't mean that someone else isn't beautiful because they don't fit what you find attractive! You might be surprised at what you find in someone who doesn't fit everything on your appearance checklist. You can't rate a person because of the way they look! I would seriously hate to see what rating I would get from POTUS-elect, seeing as I'm short, have no boobs, and have this left over skin from the weight loss! I'm not sure I would even rate on his scale! But I don't care, because I know I'm beautiful!

One thing that does scare me is all the advances made by women in this country, as well as those of minorities and LGBT+! I'm so afraid we are going to be pushed back into the dark ages of time, where hate reigns supreme! I've already touched on the comments made by POTUS-elect about women. There have also been so, so many things said about people of color and of other nationalities. We also know where both POTUS-elect and VPOTUS-elect stands on LGBT+ issues! Part of my problem as one who believes themself to be a Christian is all the hate toward LGBT+ and Muslims that so many Christians today spew! What about love? Seriously...WHAT ABOUT LOVE! I've read my Bible, and one thing that stands out crystal clear to me is that we are commissioned to LOVE! No...God DOES NOT hate the gays, Muslims, whatever...HE LOVES US ALL! So, how can the people...who claim to talk to God...be so hateful! They will stand in church and claim to have God's heart for this nation...for the world...but then turn right around and spew such hate! And people wonder why I don't go to church!

I feel a bit better getting all of that out, but I'm still scared to death! I hope I am wrong!