Are you really almost 45?

Yup...that is me now. Wanted to do a more positive, and informative post today...kind of a little beauty blog. People are often shocked when they find out I'm the mother of a a 26 year old and a 22 year old. "Wait, how old were you when you had your first kid?!" The answer to that question is 18...so yeah, a little on the young side. I'm often asked how it is I hold my age so well. Today, I shall reveal some of my secrets!

First of all, hair dye. Seriously, you do not want to know how many gray hairs those two kids caused in their lives! Other than that, a few simple rules I follow:

1) I don't smoke. I used to way back in the day, but I quit that business about 20 years ago!

2) I don't worship the sun. I actually embrace my paleness! Sunscreen is a must. Some who know me know that I go on frequent walks, and I use an umbrella even on sunny days. My sunscreen of choice these days is Supergoop!

3) Drink tons of water...as much as I can stand in a day.

4) Eat healthy. You have to be nice to your skin from the inside. Personally, I'm pescatarian...mostly. I say mostly, because I do eat meat very occasionally. It is usually less than once a month.

5) I get plenty of exercise. Lift weights, go for walks, and dance, dance, dance!

6) Limit my alcohol consumption. Don't even think I quite average a single glass of wine a night.

Other than that, yes, I do have a regular routine I follow. From the inside, I take vitamin E daily. I started doing this some years ago, because I've had acne my whole life, regardless of what I did. While studying to become a personal trainer, I learned that acne could be a sign of vitamin E efficiency. I figured it couldn't hurt to try it. Started taking it daily, and my acne cleared!! HOLY COW! Really wish I had known that in my teen years!

My daily routine product-wise is currently this:

In the AM: Simply wipe the oil and such from my face with a clean damp wash cloth. I change out my wash cloth every day. Why just a damp cloth? I don't want to over-dry my face by using cleansers multiple times a day. After cleaning off my face, I simply use....

In the PM: This is where it is the most complicated. About 3 times a week, I use...

On the days I do not use the sauna scrub to clean my face, I pull out the Clairsonic and use...

Once my face is clean, I tone it up....

Finally, we have to use a good hydrator/moisturizer...

And to take care of the lines that try to present themselves...

It may seem like a lot, but it really isn't all that much when you really think about. Also, Friday nights are what I call my "spa nights"! I get a nice hot bath, and use a good mud mask to pull all the crap of the week out of my pours. I haven't found a true favorite yet...I get samples all the time, and try them all. So basically, it is whatever is sitting in my sample drawer that week...lol.

And that is my secret...oh...and living a good life, of course! A beautiful inside will always radiate through...remember that...so don't be ugly on the inside.

Why must you remind everyone all the time that you are....

I don't know how this fits in with my most recent posts, but I feel I need to get this out.

With Veganism being the new "thing" these days, I've noticed more and more folks are moving to a lifestyle that is completely "cruelty free" when it comes to animals. I personally have moved to being pescatarian, because I don't agree with the processes used to raise animals for food, and I believe as a people we are too dependent on meat. Precious farmland is being consumed to raise record numbers of cattle, chickens a crammed into large coups around the country, etc. This is not only bad for the environment, but we have seen an increase in antibiotic usage and such to prevent the rapid spread of illness as so many animals are crammed together, as well as various things fed and injected into the animals to make them ready for slaughter faster to keep up with the demand.

Why don't I go completely vegan some may ask. Well, I really, really do like my salmon...lol! It is also quite the task to be completely vegan, as you have to avoid ANYTHING where animals are "used" in any point of the process. Your supplements, hair and skin care products, even clothing. Also, in many cases where one has a pet, they look out for totally vegan options for their pet...and sorry, my cat is a carnivore, and if I cut out her meat-based food (which, the meat comes as a by-product from animals processed for human consumption), I could adversely effect her health.

For my part, I do look for "cruelty free" products when I do make cosmetic or care purchases. I avoid products that test on animals. I also do try to buy completely vegetarian or vegan supplements. But when it comes to my clothing and the likes, I will admit that I'm not quite as thorough, and I do have leather items.

But the real purpose of this post. I've also noticed with becoming vegan, many of these people have to announce it with about every post they make to social media. I know one woman who has some vegan-related hashtag in every post she makes, even if it is a picture of her and her partner! I get spreading the awareness against animal cruelty, but it is no wonder that vegans are being looked at as "uppity" my so many others, when they keep shoving it down everyone's throats!

The very same goes for many Christians. Every post, or at least every other, has some reference to a scripture, or how great God is, etc. "But you are constantly posting about compassion, love, and acceptance." That is different, I think. I'm not trying to say, "Hey, look at me...oh, and you are wrong." I know I'm not perfect! I'm just pleading to the world to stop the hate and the violence. It isn't about what I believe or what I want you to believe...I just want you to stop and consider that is okay for us all to have our own beliefs, and we all need to respect each other for that. I'm not over here saying, "Hey...look at me...I'm the most loving, compassionate person on the planet, and if you are not as well, you are wrong!" And if I'm posting something completely unrelated, like a picture of my boyfriend or my cat, I don't even mention it. If I need to express something that is heavy on my heart, I will, but if I'm just posting some fun stuff about a meal I cooked or that my cat is running around like her tail is on fire, not a hashtag will you find on the subject of my personal awakening!

On the other hand, what I'm addressing here are the people that have to post vegan or Christian or whatever hashtags on EVERY post. EVERY opportunity they get, they have to remind you that they are....whatever. At that point, it no longer feels like they are doing what they doing for anything other than their own ego. "Look world...I'm vegan. You eat meat, and you are an evil animal hater!" "Hey, I'm Christian! I'm good and perfect, and if you do anything that this book here or my pastor says is a sin, you will burn in hell!"

This goes right back to ego, and to fact vs. truth. My truth, is that our increased demand for meat in our diet (because Americans are surely eating more per sitting than the 3 oz recommended amount) is adversely affecting our environment, our food supply, and is forcing animals to be raised in a "less than natural" environment that is not kind. Your truth may be that meat is tasty, and you don't really care how it is raised. I'm not going to sit here and make vegetarian or pescatarian hashtags in posts to force my truth down your throat, but rather I'm going to just do what I feel I need to do to support my truths. Not eating meat, recycling, keeping my thermostat at a certain temp, etc., these are all things I will just do, because they work for me and put my mind at ease when it comes to whether or not I'm doing my part for the environment.

I guess my point is...why can't we just do? Why do we have to draw attention to ourselves for doing things that we believe are for the good? The need for attention is just ego. Now, if there is something going on at the government level or whatever that completely goes against the rights of the people, by all means, stand up and make your voice heard. Now, that isn't going to be through social media, because most politicians could care less what people put on their Facebook or Instagram! FRIENDLY protests, letter writing campaigns, phone call campaigns...if you think the people of this country are being wronged, take action! I've even written and phoned on these environmental issues, because the environment is important to me. We only have one planet! But then again, keep your ego out of it! If you are posting to urge people to contact their representatives, that is okay. If you are posting to say, "Hey, I attended this rally!"...that is ego!

FACT vs TRUTH

"The opposite of what you know is also true, to somebody else, somewhere else, because of their time, place, or circumstance." ~ Timber Hawkeye

We need to learn to be more open-minded and respectful of the fact that what is true for us, is not necessarily true for someone else. Truth does NOT equal fact!!!

A fact is something that can be demonstrated as the same for everyone. For example, the boiling point of water is 100 degrees C. This can easily be demonstrated at any time by measuring the temperature of water at the point it starts to boil with a universally accepted instrument. Each molecule of water is made up of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen. Again, fact, because this can be proven by breaking down water into it's base elements with accepted laboratory procedures.

However, if someone says the sky is blue, this is a truth...not a fact. Why is it not a fact? Because it actually can be a different color to someone else, because of the makeup of their optic functions! It can also appear a different color in different parts of the world, because of things which may be in the atmosphere in that particular location. It could be the difference between whether it is night or day...because at night, in my opinion, the sky appears to be more black than blue.

Penicillin to some  people is a life-saving medicine, while to others, it means certain death.

Something on my right will be on the left of a person sitting opposite me.

Features that I find attractive in a person may not be so attractive to another.

God to one person may not be the same as God to another, and even yet another will say God doesn't exist at all.

It is okay to have different truths. When the problem comes in, is when EGO comes in the way and tries to tell you that your truth is the ONLY truth, and everyone else who doesn't believe that truth is wrong! This is when EGO gets you to thinking that you are better than someone else, and this is what takes away your peace! If you really want your spirit to be at peace, and you want to have real love and compassion for others, you need to learn not to let go of your truths, but rather to accept the fact that your truth is going to be different from someone else's...and that is okay! This defuses EGO, and allows us to live with respect and compassion.

Are you a VICTIM, or a SURVIVOR?

I figure I would start using this blog for some of the positive thoughts I've been having lately. I'm hoping that someone who need to hear this stuff may happen upon it.

Today, my thoughts have wandered to "victim mentality". This seems to be an increasing theme in this day and age. There are more and more "victims" out there...and many of them don't even have a clue what really being a "victim" is, because they are claiming wrongs that many of the rest of us just shake off as a bad day, or "really...you are going to go there just because you don't like me"!

As some of you reading this may know, I have had some bad seasons in my life. My first husband was an alcoholic and a drug user while we were married, and he tended to be verbally and physically abusive. I still remember him finding bruises on my arms from where he grabbed me too hard after he had sobered up, and him telling me with tears in his eyes how sorry he was, and that he would never put hands on me again. Of course, later that evening or the next day, he would drink again, and again there would be another yelling fit which would at times result in him grabbing me hard and slamming my back against a wall or forcing me out of his way (if I was pleading with him to not try to leave the house in that state, because he was in no condition to drive).

My second marriage had the outward appearance of being all unicorns and roses. At first, it even felt like that! However, as time went on, it became more and more clear I was married to someone with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). He was slowly breaking me down...so slow, that I didn't even realize it until I was at the bottom. Unlike physical abuse, this kind of abuse is really subtle. He used to "touch" me, even when I said I wasn't in the mood, and would say things like, "You should be happy that I still find you attractive." Like saying it that way was supposed to make me feel lucky! "I thought we had a rule that you weren't allowed to wear underwear to bed unless it was that time?" Even in the most joking tone, this kind of statement is NOT okay!! People with NPD treat you as their property. Then, there was also the trying to make me doubt myself or make me feel like the crazy one. When we got into arguments, he would always say that I was the one to always blow things out of proportion, and then when I would be to the point of tears and blaming myself...saying things like "I always get it wrong"...well, then he would say I was trying to be the martyr! That is how they work...they make you take the blame, but then when you do, they turn it around on you some more. THIS is how they make you feel like you are the crazy one!

Here is the thing. After my second divorce, it is like I went through an instant transformation! I guess it wasn't so instant, because in reality I had already started to fight back against my second husband. I knew he was carrying on a relationship with another woman, and part of me really didn't care! I know it sounds crazy, but she was drawing his negative attention away from me, and this allowed me to figure out who I really was, while at the same time setting myself so that I could financially survive the divorce. I am happier now than I have been at any other point in my life!!!

People ask me how I could have come out of all of that so positive. It's simple! I made the choice to be a SURVIVOR instead of a VICTIM! You see, a survivor still acknowledges that these things happened to them, but instead of letting it keep them down and wallowing in it all, they put those things in the past. They may revisit them, but mainly to help others through similar situations...to let them know, "You are not alone, and you WILL come out of this okay in the end!" See, you only become a victim if you allow yourself to. You don't have to be a victim...you can choose to be a survivor. But it is too easy to be a victim. I see it all the time..."This happened to me when I was a child, and because of that...." I don't care how bad that something was, you can still choose to come out of the situation a survivor! You don't have to define yourself by your bad circumstances, you can choose to BUILD yourself from them! Did you come out of an abusive relationship? Do you know if you come out a victim, chances are higher that you will just find yourself in another abusive relationship, like I did the first time around? However, if you come out a survivor, you learn from that bad relationship! You go back and evaluate and see the warning signs you should have picked up on the first time around, and by making yourself aware of those, you set yourself up to not let yourself fall into the same trap again.

Another good example. People who have been sexually assaulted. One comes out of it one of two ways. In one case, you have the woman who holes herself up in her apartment afraid to go anywhere because she fears another attack. This thinking only eats away at her until she feels nothing but depression and uncontrolled anxiety. In another case, you have the woman who tells herself "never again" and enrolls in self-defense and martial arts classes, who builds her physical strength, who continues to live her life, but now has the skills and strength to beat the "next" guy down while she screams at him, "Not today, motherfucker!!!" The first was a victim, the second was a survivor!

So, what are you going to choose to be?!

Freedom?! At last?!

I am so excited that this book is on it's way to me! I can't wait to read it.

I've read such reviews on it, with everyone saying that this is a "must have" for anyone. What am I looking for in this book? Well, as some reviewers have said, after reading the book, they don't feel guilty about leaving the "church". That is something I struggle with sometimes...mostly when I run into people I used to go to church with, and I tell them I'm not attending anywhere. They automatically assume that I'm running from God, or losing my faith, etc. But it is quite the contrary! My faith is stronger away from "religion". Yes, I've been reading up on Buddhist ideology, and that is how I came upon this book. The more I learn about Buddhist teachings, the more I find happiness! What many do not realize is that Buddha did not denounce God...he didn't denounce any god. He didn't even call himself a god. What he did do what teach principles to help bring peace and happiness to one's spirit regardless of what faith you follow! Buddhism is in fact...enlightenment! It is learning how to live in harmony...with the earth, with other people. It actually enhances your own faith. If you believe in God, it helps you see what God really is when you strip away all of MAN'S legality! As noted by the author himself:

"It's not that I'm against religion, I simply don't have one (nor do I believe that we need it to be ethical). My faith is doctrine-free, with a definition of God that doesn't conjure a white man in the sky who dispenses blessings for good behavior and harsh judgments to condemn the bad. That's because I don't believe God does that; religion does. You see, faith is a spiritual practice of continually letting go of certainty, of ego, and of the underlying need to know, while religion is a ceremonial tradition of hanging on, clinging to concrete dogmas, stubborn rigidity, and ageless rituals."

I read that as meaning we don't have to know what God's plan is for us...it will be revealed to us as we go along. We need to stop with the ego...with the "look what I'm doing in the name of God", and just fulfill God's commission to love...without expecting reward or acknowledgment! We need to stop with the "pomp and circumstance" of being concerned with what color gets worn during what season, etc. I mean, does God really care if we celebrate the birth and the resurrection at a certain time every year?! Really?! I think God would care more that we understood what those things meant, and that we live our lives accordingly...loving, forgiving, understanding, having compassion!

I truly believe that the world today needs more spirituality, and far less religion and legality! For me, that is what I'm striving for in my own life. I just want to be a vessel! I'm hoping this book will help me respond to folks who think I need to go to church every Sunday and say X number of "hail marys" to prove my faith in God!