I sometimes run into people I used to go to church with, and they ask me what church I'm plugged into these days. They seem shocked when I tell them I don't go to church any longer, and they do their best to convince me why I need to go back! I assure them I have not lost my faith...that I just can't support organized religion, and what it is doing to the world right now. I don't go into details...about how it was the church that stood by and said nothing while my ex carried on in an affair right in front of their eyes (yes, the flirting between them during church was incredibly obvious...so obvious that there were people who were unaware that I was actually his wife), or how after I left said church because I felt it awkward to be there with my ex and his family...considering I had been there for years on the praise team and everything...that no one, not even the pastor, ever called, texted, or emailed to check on me.
Since leaving that church, I have felt free to ask many questions, and in doing so, I've done a lot of reading that showed me much of what is being taught in today's churches is wrong. Not going to go into detail of all of those things here, as I could type for days on those subjects.
But I saw one thing today that hit me wrong, and got me really wondering what role the church even plays in today's society. I saw a post from someone asking for prayer, because her family was being force to move in a matter of days, and they are running short on money. The woman was very stressed. There were many, many comments of people sending prayers, and assuring the woman that God will provide on time. That got me thinking....today is Black Friday! I wonder how many of those people offering prayer are out shopping the sales right now...the whole while, this member of their church is in financial need. I got thinking...if each family in this particular church (as I know it to be a good-sized church) just gave this woman $10-$20...the amount of money they are probably spending on food and Starbucks today as they run about looking for deals...how this woman would probably have enough money for her situation! But where is her "church family"? Offering prayer?!
But then I realize that seems to be the norm in the church today...and all the more reason I left! Someone needs help, they simply offer prayer, when what people need is action! Do they think if Jesus came across this woman in need, that he would simply offer prayer? I think not!!! I think he would rally up the disciples and figure out if they could do anything to relieve the financial burden...provide moving services or what not. If it was the deposit and rent that the woman needed help with, I could see Jesus calling the people to give...even if it is just a small token...toward helping the woman. It just bothers me how so many people who call themselves Christians can only find it in themselves to "offer prayer" when people are in need. Hasn't it ever occurred to them that God's plan was for the people of the church to help this woman?
Friday, November 24, 2017
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Body Shaming
A friend of mine posted a video this morning that rubbed me the wrong way. No, I'm not going to unfriend them or anything like that...I'm not that kind of person to turn my back on you because you may have an idea or a belief I don't agree with. And no, the video didn't make me really feel butt hurt, but it did urge me to speak out on the subject...mostly not just because of what was being said, but because so many people were laughing in acceptance of what was said!
This is the video...remember, I'm about to speak on this:
One thing he said really hit me in this video.... "You ate your way in, you can walk yourself out." The people laughed, thinking this was funny. I'm sure if they showed the audience, there would be many shaking their heads yes and mouthing the word "truth". But it isn't that easy for so many people!!!
We live in a society where looks are everything! It is so much so, that there are many, many products out on the market that people are buying up to make them look different. Notice I said different...not better...because really, what is good-looking to one person is not the same for another. Personally, alot of the things that people do to make themselves look "better" I actually think take away from their appearance. That said, I used to be considerably overweight. For my height, had I gone to the doctor in those days, they would have labeled me as morbidly obese. "An individual is considered morbidly obese if he or she is 100 pounds over his/her ideal body weight, has a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 or more and experiencing obesity-related health conditions, such as high blood pressure or diabetes." My ideal body weight for my height and build is between 115 and 130 lbs. At the time, I was well over 200 lbs...I stopped getting on the scale at 200 at which time I wore a size 16, and at the time I finally realized I had to do something, I was stuffing myself into size 18's really needing to go buy size 20. This is on a 5'2" frame! I think it is safe to say I was easily 230 to 240 lbs. At some point after I lost a few pounds, I joined a gym and did their free analysis for new members. My BMI at the time was 43. Now, I don't agree with BMI measurements, because it doesn't take into account muscle mass and bone density (yes, some people do have larger bones...I'm one of them...certain parts of my body today are "bony" but not as tiny as most would expect...my ankles for example). I guess I ate myself into it, right?
See, that is the important thing to consider here...how does a person get there? What is their story? Most overweight people I know don't want to be overweight and they didn't set out to do so!! If you sat and listened to their stories, like mine, you would realize that they can't just easily walk themselves out! How did I get to some 240 lbs? I AM a stress eater. Yes, notice I said AM...not was. I say AM, because I do still find myself sometimes in high stress situations just rummaging through the kitchen when I'm not even hungry. The difference between then and now is that I recognize it, and I can stop myself and redirect to a more constructive way of dealing with my stress. I have found a new outlet in dance, and I spend plenty of hours in the studio. Because I now know and acknowledge that I'm a stress eater. I keep fewer things in the house that are easy to eat...keeping things around that need actual preparation. This is also a deterrent...because if I'm not really hungry, the thought of making food and cleaning the kitchen cause me to just grab a glass of water and go do something else. But, it took me a long time to get where I am at now! I spent years in a state of depression. My first marriage was physically and emotionally abusive, and I feared that if I tried to leave, he would do something bad to me or take my kids away from me. He also used to say that if I got fat he would leave me, and I guess this is kinda where the stress eating started. Unconsciously, I think I was trying to get fat to make him leave, but I guess I underestimated what he deemed to be fat or something, because he didn't leave. He finally crossed the line one night while out with friends, and landed himself in jail for assault on an officer, and that is what gave me my out!
My second marriage I "thought" was better, but in reality, I wasn't really happy in that marriage either. It took me some time to realize it, but I was married to a narcissist. If you have never had an experience with being in a relationship with a narcissist, you have no clue what it can do to even a strong person...let alone a person trying to recover from a bad situation. They are huge manipulators. They will make you think you are losing your mind, and make you doubt yourself. At one point, they shower you with affection...this is their bait! They make you feel good about yourself, make you think you are in a happy place. Then, they slowly tear you down...and it isn't always obvious like with my obviously abusive first husband. No, it starts with little things...things that at first seem harmless...things that are really more controlling than anything else. Like, if you really want to cut your hair, they will tell you something like, "I really like it long." When you do cut it, they will constantly give you a strange look and say things like, "I dunno...guess it will take some getting used to", and will regularly make comments about how you should let it grow back out. In my case, my second husband would also always comment on my breast size, always saying it would be nice if they were a bit bigger, and constantly asking if I would consider getting an enlargement for him. Then, they is always the revisional history to try to make you feel crazy! "But you used to...." Um, no I didn't, but they will keep pushing THEIR history on you to the point you actually start to question if you are actually remembering things wrong!
I describe this scenario, so that you can see how I feel into a completely different mental state in my second marriage...one that pushed me to my highest weight! It was when my mom was diagnosed with diabetes, that I acknowledged my own health (I was hypertensive and pre-diabetic) and made it a point to make a change in my life. Thankfully, this also helped me see WHAT I was actually married to. As I lost weight, he kept criticizing my weight loss. Really!!! One would ask if he just liked bigger women, or if he was realizing he was losing control...afraid that the weight loss will give me confidence and allow me to see through his bullshit! I found out later that it was actually both! See, at one point in time, he told a really good friend of mine that he liked "fat women"...and said it was because they "will let you do anything to them in bed, because they don't get many guys"!! I mean, THAT right there should tell you what kind of man I was married to! Some who have read my other posts will also know that to the outside world, he presented himself as this kind, gentle, Christian soul...yeah, it just turned my stomach typing that! Even being married to this jerk, I took the long fought journey to weight loss, and got back down into my ideal weight range...and I've kept the weight off. Needless to say, I've since divorced his ass, too. But it wasn't easy. I had many backslides...where I gained weight back, falling off of the wagon so to speak. I surely didn't just "walk myself out" of being grossly overweight!! I had to fight...every...step...of...the...way!!!
I share all of this to show where the ideas in this video are terrible, and that we shouldn't be laughing about what he is saying! It isn't being offended, or butt hurt. We shouldn't body shame, because we don't know anyone's story!!! That overweight person may be depressed or may have some medical condition where they have tried everything but cannot lose the weight! That underweight person may be living in an abusive situation that has caused them to become anorexic or bulimic (if you study these conditions, you will find that for most who suffer from them, it is about having control of themselves...everyone else in the world is "controlling" them, and they try to grasp one thing they can control). So don't be too critical of people! Don't judge without knowing their story! You may be doing more damage than anything. And don't entertain people who do!
This is the video...remember, I'm about to speak on this:
One thing he said really hit me in this video.... "You ate your way in, you can walk yourself out." The people laughed, thinking this was funny. I'm sure if they showed the audience, there would be many shaking their heads yes and mouthing the word "truth". But it isn't that easy for so many people!!!
We live in a society where looks are everything! It is so much so, that there are many, many products out on the market that people are buying up to make them look different. Notice I said different...not better...because really, what is good-looking to one person is not the same for another. Personally, alot of the things that people do to make themselves look "better" I actually think take away from their appearance. That said, I used to be considerably overweight. For my height, had I gone to the doctor in those days, they would have labeled me as morbidly obese. "An individual is considered morbidly obese if he or she is 100 pounds over his/her ideal body weight, has a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 or more and experiencing obesity-related health conditions, such as high blood pressure or diabetes." My ideal body weight for my height and build is between 115 and 130 lbs. At the time, I was well over 200 lbs...I stopped getting on the scale at 200 at which time I wore a size 16, and at the time I finally realized I had to do something, I was stuffing myself into size 18's really needing to go buy size 20. This is on a 5'2" frame! I think it is safe to say I was easily 230 to 240 lbs. At some point after I lost a few pounds, I joined a gym and did their free analysis for new members. My BMI at the time was 43. Now, I don't agree with BMI measurements, because it doesn't take into account muscle mass and bone density (yes, some people do have larger bones...I'm one of them...certain parts of my body today are "bony" but not as tiny as most would expect...my ankles for example). I guess I ate myself into it, right?
See, that is the important thing to consider here...how does a person get there? What is their story? Most overweight people I know don't want to be overweight and they didn't set out to do so!! If you sat and listened to their stories, like mine, you would realize that they can't just easily walk themselves out! How did I get to some 240 lbs? I AM a stress eater. Yes, notice I said AM...not was. I say AM, because I do still find myself sometimes in high stress situations just rummaging through the kitchen when I'm not even hungry. The difference between then and now is that I recognize it, and I can stop myself and redirect to a more constructive way of dealing with my stress. I have found a new outlet in dance, and I spend plenty of hours in the studio. Because I now know and acknowledge that I'm a stress eater. I keep fewer things in the house that are easy to eat...keeping things around that need actual preparation. This is also a deterrent...because if I'm not really hungry, the thought of making food and cleaning the kitchen cause me to just grab a glass of water and go do something else. But, it took me a long time to get where I am at now! I spent years in a state of depression. My first marriage was physically and emotionally abusive, and I feared that if I tried to leave, he would do something bad to me or take my kids away from me. He also used to say that if I got fat he would leave me, and I guess this is kinda where the stress eating started. Unconsciously, I think I was trying to get fat to make him leave, but I guess I underestimated what he deemed to be fat or something, because he didn't leave. He finally crossed the line one night while out with friends, and landed himself in jail for assault on an officer, and that is what gave me my out!
My second marriage I "thought" was better, but in reality, I wasn't really happy in that marriage either. It took me some time to realize it, but I was married to a narcissist. If you have never had an experience with being in a relationship with a narcissist, you have no clue what it can do to even a strong person...let alone a person trying to recover from a bad situation. They are huge manipulators. They will make you think you are losing your mind, and make you doubt yourself. At one point, they shower you with affection...this is their bait! They make you feel good about yourself, make you think you are in a happy place. Then, they slowly tear you down...and it isn't always obvious like with my obviously abusive first husband. No, it starts with little things...things that at first seem harmless...things that are really more controlling than anything else. Like, if you really want to cut your hair, they will tell you something like, "I really like it long." When you do cut it, they will constantly give you a strange look and say things like, "I dunno...guess it will take some getting used to", and will regularly make comments about how you should let it grow back out. In my case, my second husband would also always comment on my breast size, always saying it would be nice if they were a bit bigger, and constantly asking if I would consider getting an enlargement for him. Then, they is always the revisional history to try to make you feel crazy! "But you used to...." Um, no I didn't, but they will keep pushing THEIR history on you to the point you actually start to question if you are actually remembering things wrong!
I describe this scenario, so that you can see how I feel into a completely different mental state in my second marriage...one that pushed me to my highest weight! It was when my mom was diagnosed with diabetes, that I acknowledged my own health (I was hypertensive and pre-diabetic) and made it a point to make a change in my life. Thankfully, this also helped me see WHAT I was actually married to. As I lost weight, he kept criticizing my weight loss. Really!!! One would ask if he just liked bigger women, or if he was realizing he was losing control...afraid that the weight loss will give me confidence and allow me to see through his bullshit! I found out later that it was actually both! See, at one point in time, he told a really good friend of mine that he liked "fat women"...and said it was because they "will let you do anything to them in bed, because they don't get many guys"!! I mean, THAT right there should tell you what kind of man I was married to! Some who have read my other posts will also know that to the outside world, he presented himself as this kind, gentle, Christian soul...yeah, it just turned my stomach typing that! Even being married to this jerk, I took the long fought journey to weight loss, and got back down into my ideal weight range...and I've kept the weight off. Needless to say, I've since divorced his ass, too. But it wasn't easy. I had many backslides...where I gained weight back, falling off of the wagon so to speak. I surely didn't just "walk myself out" of being grossly overweight!! I had to fight...every...step...of...the...way!!!
I share all of this to show where the ideas in this video are terrible, and that we shouldn't be laughing about what he is saying! It isn't being offended, or butt hurt. We shouldn't body shame, because we don't know anyone's story!!! That overweight person may be depressed or may have some medical condition where they have tried everything but cannot lose the weight! That underweight person may be living in an abusive situation that has caused them to become anorexic or bulimic (if you study these conditions, you will find that for most who suffer from them, it is about having control of themselves...everyone else in the world is "controlling" them, and they try to grasp one thing they can control). So don't be too critical of people! Don't judge without knowing their story! You may be doing more damage than anything. And don't entertain people who do!
Monday, November 6, 2017
Same song, different verse!
I had a great day yesterday! We had a dance performance that had me disconnected from the world for the entire day as we ran through techs, costumes, makeup, performance, and many, many laughs. I came off the high to find out about the mass shooting here in Texas yesterday morning. ANOTHER mass shooting, and yet another weekend where there was some sort of tragic loss of life.
This morning, I read the news. POTUS it talking about this being a mental health problem. Oh, so we have a mental health problem, but nearly as soon as you started in office, you undid a requirement for SSA to report anyone who was receiving SSD for a mental health issue to the background check database?! You made it easier for people with mental health issues to get guns, and NOW you want to claim this gun violence a mental health issue?
Let me point this out...this is the second time in just a matter of months that a mass shooting was carried out with a LEGALLY PURCHASED weapon...a weapon, mind you, that used to be banned in this country from 1994 to 2004. A weapon that is not desired because of it's effectiveness for hunting or home protection, but because it is easily customizable to the shooter's tastes! A weapon that in mere minutes can be converted from a semi-automatic weapon, to function very closely to a fully automatic weapon. A gun that you can LEGALLY purchase a magazine for that can hold 30+ rounds of ammo, making it easier to mow down a crowd of people! Tell me again, what Constitutional right dictates that you can own a weapon like this? The right to bare arms does not give an automatic right to an AR...simply that you are allowed to own a gun. This means that our government is fully within the Constitution to limit the TYPES and NUMBERS of weapons a citizen owns. It would also be within the Constitution to require mandatory licensing and training before even owning a firearm. "Oh, but that will make it harder for some to obtain a gun, and thus be a violation of the Second Amendment." Really? If you are still given a path to ownership, how is that taking away your right?
I have another burning question in all of this. I was reading that the San Antonio shooter had been court-martialed, served time, and was dishonorably discharged from the military for assaulting his wife and child. This is a conviction, right? Even though handed down by a military rather than a civilian body, it was still a conviction?! So, tell me how this was not a red flag on this man's background check when he walked into the sporting goods store to LEGALLY purchase this weapon?!
We need better record keeping of our background check system to flag people who should not be allowed to buy these weapons. We need mandatory licensing and training. And finally, we need to go back to banning these easily customizable guns and limit the size of the magazines. No one should be able to legally own a weapon that can mow down a crowd in a matter of a few minutes! There is no civilian NEED for this!
This morning, I read the news. POTUS it talking about this being a mental health problem. Oh, so we have a mental health problem, but nearly as soon as you started in office, you undid a requirement for SSA to report anyone who was receiving SSD for a mental health issue to the background check database?! You made it easier for people with mental health issues to get guns, and NOW you want to claim this gun violence a mental health issue?
Let me point this out...this is the second time in just a matter of months that a mass shooting was carried out with a LEGALLY PURCHASED weapon...a weapon, mind you, that used to be banned in this country from 1994 to 2004. A weapon that is not desired because of it's effectiveness for hunting or home protection, but because it is easily customizable to the shooter's tastes! A weapon that in mere minutes can be converted from a semi-automatic weapon, to function very closely to a fully automatic weapon. A gun that you can LEGALLY purchase a magazine for that can hold 30+ rounds of ammo, making it easier to mow down a crowd of people! Tell me again, what Constitutional right dictates that you can own a weapon like this? The right to bare arms does not give an automatic right to an AR...simply that you are allowed to own a gun. This means that our government is fully within the Constitution to limit the TYPES and NUMBERS of weapons a citizen owns. It would also be within the Constitution to require mandatory licensing and training before even owning a firearm. "Oh, but that will make it harder for some to obtain a gun, and thus be a violation of the Second Amendment." Really? If you are still given a path to ownership, how is that taking away your right?
I have another burning question in all of this. I was reading that the San Antonio shooter had been court-martialed, served time, and was dishonorably discharged from the military for assaulting his wife and child. This is a conviction, right? Even though handed down by a military rather than a civilian body, it was still a conviction?! So, tell me how this was not a red flag on this man's background check when he walked into the sporting goods store to LEGALLY purchase this weapon?!
We need better record keeping of our background check system to flag people who should not be allowed to buy these weapons. We need mandatory licensing and training. And finally, we need to go back to banning these easily customizable guns and limit the size of the magazines. No one should be able to legally own a weapon that can mow down a crowd in a matter of a few minutes! There is no civilian NEED for this!
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